I learned far too early to mold myself into what others wanted, but now I am dismantling that conditioning and allowing myself the freedom to be who I truly am. I spent almost forty years hiding in Numbville and living in this internal world I had created. 

My reparenting journey just began two years ago, and being a patient parent to myself has been messy but manageable. Reparenting is a fancy new phrase with a simple goal. It is the act of giving yourself what you didn’t receive as a child; therefore, holding space for my young self often feels uncomfortable as I continue to reconcile resentment and recognize that many of the people in my life did the best with what they knew and had, afraid to face their challenges while often not having the courage to address family members in fear of the discomfort or disappointment it could cause. 

For all of us, our parents and grandparents are our first teachers, coaches, and mentors, and we do anything to feel worthy of their love and attention, even when we are held to standards that don’t feel authentic, which is where I learned to become what others wanted, rather than who I truly am. Our parents and grandparents were raised in the silent generation, which means they did not talk about mental health issues, family dynamics, or help each other navigate emotions. Therefore, trauma dysfunctions and the inability to regulate emotionally were perpetuated. For me, this cycle needed to stop, and I was not going to allow my children not to feel safe to feel feelings and express themselves in an environment that encourages open communication and expressing emotions. I wanted them to feel valued and secure, which I did not have.

Reparenting our inner child is essential for healing and growth as adults. This process involves giving ourselves the nurturing, validation, and support we may not have received in childhood. It also means grieving the experiences we longed for and releasing the anger we’ve held toward caregivers who couldn’t provide what we needed. In learning to reparent myself, I discovered the wounds left from my upbringing and the power to heal them in ways I never thought possible.

The first step toward reparenting myself was recognizing that something was missing. For years, I navigated life feeling like a part of me was unseen or unheard, seeking validation from others in ways that mirrored my childhood longing for approval. This drive to please others disconnected me from my actual needs and desires. My journey of self-awareness began with the realization that the love and validation I had been seeking externally could only be enjoyed internally. Reparenting, I discovered, was not just about healing the past but about learning to meet my present self with compassion and understanding.

As I delved deeper into the process, I had to confront feelings I had long buried. The anger and sadness toward my caregivers for their shortcomings in my upbringing were complicated to face. At times, I found myself stuck in the loop of what-ifs—what if they had been more present, more emotionally available, or more supportive? These thoughts felt overwhelming, but the practice of re-parenting shifted my focus from dwelling on what I lacked to giving myself what I needed now. I learned to soothe my inner child by offering her the love, validation, and safety that had been absent during critical stages of my development. This included simple practices such as speaking kindly to myself, setting boundaries, and honoring my emotions.

Grieving was a pivotal part of this process. I had to allow myself to mourn the childhood experiences I wished I had. Grief is often misunderstood, but through reparenting, I learned it is a necessary release—a way to let go of the pain that no longer serves us. This grief opened the door to acceptance. I accepted that my caregivers had limitations, and although their actions—or lack thereof—left lasting scars, I no longer needed to hold onto resentment. Reparenting taught me that while I couldn’t change the past, I could transform how I related to it.

Finally, reparenting allowed me to establish a sense of safety within myself. I became my protector and nurturer, developing the tools to navigate life’s challenges with resilience and self-compassion. This process didn’t mean erasing my pain of the past but instead creating a safe space within me where my inner child could feel seen and supported. With time, I found that I could approach life’s hardships with greater confidence and ease, knowing that I could care for myself in ways others could not. I had proven this time and time again, but I longed for others to take care of me. In the end, it was me needing to love me – and that was enough.

Ultimately, our parents started my story, but I am the one who gets to write the following chapters. Reparenting is an ongoing journey, and the work is never truly finished. However, it is a path toward wholeness. By reparenting myself, I have reclaimed my power, learned to love myself more deeply, and found the strength to move forward with a sense of inner peace. In nurturing my inner child, I have reconnected with the authentic parts of myself that had long been hidden, and in doing so, I’ve opened up the possibility for proper growth and healing.