Lessons I’m Still Learning and Hoping You Will Carry Forward.

To my two sons—who are now grown men—and to anyone willing to pause and reflect: Ask yourself: Are you living up to the bullet points below? Not perfectly or all the time, but with intention, humility, and a willingness to improve. Because being gracious is a muscle, and grace, like strength, is built through small, quiet moments. There comes a moment in life when quiet things speak the loudest. It took me years to figure this out. Headlines, diplomas, or résumés don’t showcase your strength, but how you navigate the world when no one’s watching does.

I’ve come to believe that the Golden Rule, treat others as you want to be treated, isn’t just timeless dogma. It’s the foundation of a thousand daily choices. So, here’s a list I’ve created, serving as a mirror and compass. It’s not meant to shame, only to sharpen; not to preach, but to serve as a practice list for all of us.

   •       Don’t check your phone while someone’s speaking. Look up. Be present.

   •       Don’t pry into someone’s personal life – salary, age, or relationship status.

   •       If someone shares a secret, hold it like something sacred.

   •       Don’t show off. Let your life whisper its successes.

   •       Never mutter words in a group, as it excludes and is obvious.

   •       Greet people when you enter a room. A gesture that says, “I see you.”

   •       Don’t make plans in front of those not invited. Remember how that feels?

   •       Return what you borrow; better than you found it, including money.

   •       If someone seems uneasy, change the topic or soften the space.

   •       Compliment publicly; correct privately.

   •       Mind your volume in shared spaces.

   •       Be on time. Respect others’ time like you want yours respected.

   •       Don’t hijack the conversation. Make room for other voices.

   •       Laugh with, not at.

   •       If you cancel plans, do it early and kindly…this is one of my most used.

   •       Don’t bring up sensitive subjects unless they do.

   •       Never gossip about someone you wouldn’t confront with love and honesty.

   •       Let your work speak. You do not need to trumpet your greatness.

   •       If someone drops something, help them…. always.

   •       Credit people for their ideas. Never steal their light.

   •       Don’t spill private things online. Some stories aren’t yours to tell.

   •       When someone is grieving, be a presence, not a preacher.

   •       Customer service is hard to find, when you do…tip well.

   •       Clean up after yourself—in kitchens, in relationships, and in the workplace.

   •       Don’t force vulnerability. Let it arrive naturally.

   •       Respect “no” as a complete sentence.

   •       Don’t make jokes that cost someone their dignity.

   •       If you borrow time, give it back with presence, with purpose.

   •       When you see kindness, say something. It makes more and multiples.

   •       Stay thoughtful when no one’s watching. That’s character.

   •       Don’t one-up. Just listen. Let others shine.

   •       Be accountable. If you’re wrong, say so. No buts, no spin…just: “I’m sorry.”

   •       Never mock anyone’s appearance, accent, or job. It’s cruel and lazy.

   •       Remember names. They matter.

   •       Respect the quiet ones. They see more than they say.

   •       Leave every space you enter better—physically, emotionally, spiritually.

   •       Respect isn’t something you demand. It’s something you radiate.

This list isn’t final, as I still make mistakes, learn, and still return to it when I forget who I want to be.  Please ask yourself, and maybe your brother, partner, colleague, or child, how you’re doing. And more importantly: How can I do better? Because the way we move through the world is the legacy we leave. And living graciously? It’s truly the real flex!

Love, Mom