The Me Who Loved Them First,<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Did I even know, back then, what I was doing?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
When their little boy hands were impossibly small, and their world was safely nestled inside mine\u2014did I realize I was quietly shaping the men they would become?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I think of those long nights\u2014checking their angelic breathing, watching their chests rise and fall, soothing tummy aches through tears, and managing brotherly quarrels with gentle reminders like, \u201cGive your brother two put-ups for the not-so-nice behavior you just showed him.\u201d My body was aching with exhaustion, both mental and physical, but still\u2014I showed up.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I remember the car rides\u2014full of questions, silences, singing to music, unusual travel places, and shared moments that stitched the years together with memory after memory.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The tiny notes and handmade coupons I tucked under pillows, into lunch boxes or Valentine’s goody bags\u2014little reminders of my love.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I made whispered prayers for their safety and the happiness of finding themselves.\u00a0 <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I still do.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I tried hard to make the birthdays and holiday traditions magical\u2014even when I was barely holding myself together.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
They\u2019re 24 and 25 now.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Men.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Kind, generous, thoughtful, and equipped with knowledge to navigate the world.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
And still, I see flickers of the little boys they once were\u2014in their brown eyes, gestures, and how they sometimes reach for me without even realizing it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
They will never fully know how much I doubted myself; no mother\u2019s manual existed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
How deeply I feared getting it wrong. I learned and somehow survived by not repeating past patterns of behavior.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Or how fiercely, relentlessly, I loved them\u2014even when I didn\u2019t fully understand how to love myself. I loved them and would walk to the end of the earth for them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
No one tells you how much of motherhood lives in the shadows.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The sacrifices were never spoken of.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The ache that lingers even as they grow.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The way a mother\u2019s heart stretches, breaks, and still finds the strength to say yes\u2014again and again.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
But here I am.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
And somehow, through the mess, beauty, heartbreak, and joy, I did something lasting.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I raised good men.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
In the process, I found pieces of myself, too.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The things I couldn\u2019t change have changed me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I can\u2019t rewind time\u2014but there are many moments when I look at myself in the mirror and wonder:<\/p>\n\n\n\n
How did I make it through?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
How do I keep going?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
And then I remember\u2014<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I\u2019m no longer the woman I once was.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
And I\u2019m still becoming the woman I\u2019m meant to be.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Motherhood has reshaped me in ways I never expected.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
And the memories\u2014oh, the memories\u2014are etched forever in my heart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Raising my two boys has been the greatest accomplishment of my life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Nothing else compares.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
What a ride we\u2019ve been on together.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
My heart is full of love, pride, and contentment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
With all the grace I can muster,<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Me<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
The Me Who Loved Them First, Did I even know, back then, what I was doing? When their little boy hands were impossibly small, and their world was safely nestled inside mine\u2014did I realize I was quietly shaping the men they would become? I think of those long nights\u2014checking their angelic breathing, watching their chests […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":949,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[48,46,15,52,27],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-948","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-growth","category-healing","category-hope-love","category-motherhood","category-reflection"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/prolificpreambles.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/948","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/prolificpreambles.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/prolificpreambles.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/prolificpreambles.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/prolificpreambles.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=948"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/prolificpreambles.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/948\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":951,"href":"https:\/\/prolificpreambles.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/948\/revisions\/951"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/prolificpreambles.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/949"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/prolificpreambles.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=948"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/prolificpreambles.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=948"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/prolificpreambles.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=948"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}