I didn\u2019t expect midlife to feel like a wrecking ball, but that\u2019s exactly how it hit. Not with gentle whispers or subtle nudges, but with a full-body jolt and reset that is shaking the foundation of everything I thought I knew about who I was meant to be.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It wasn\u2019t a crisis, although at times it felt like one. It was a reckoning…a sacred, necessary undoing. Somewhere between holding everything together and slowly falling apart, I realized I had been living in a house built on everyone else\u2019s expectations. Every room was shaped by my ability to say yes when I wanted to say no. Every wall was covered with the need to please, smooth things over, or overextend myself to maintain peace or the illusion of it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
And I was drained\u2026 bone-deep and emotionally exhausted. Not just physically, but spiritually depleted from carrying burdens that weren\u2019t mine, from shrinking myself to make others more comfortable, from giving away pieces of myself like party favors in hopes that someone would return a sense of worth. So, I stopped, albeit slowly, and felt the repercussions and loneliness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Or perhaps I should say, life stopped me. Something cracked open, which I believe involved multiple moments; a difficult conversation, the end of a relationship, leaving situations that felt empty, or a moment in the mirror when I didn\u2019t recognize the woman staring back. But I knew I couldn\u2019t keep living the same cycle of self-abandonment disguised as love. I needed to clear the rubble and meet the version of myself that had been patiently waiting beneath it all.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
That\u2019s what this midlife reset has meant for me\u2014a profound upheaval, the removal of old structures, that sharp turn that midlife brings, a pivot tuning into my own rhythm, not the roles I played, but rather a rebuilding of self.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I\u2019ve learned to say, \u201chell no\u201d and truly mean it, with love, clarity, and without needing to justify. I\u2019ve realized that boundaries are not acts of betrayal; they are a way of coming back. Each one has become an act of choosing myself, not out of spite, but out of respect for me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
There was grief, yes. Letting go of roles and relationships built on my silence and the foundation of people-pleasing wasn\u2019t easy. Some people preferred the version of me that bent, softened, and over-functioned. But I no longer judge my worth by how little I ask for or how much I give away. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
And now? I\u2019m entering a season that feels as unfamiliar as it is exciting.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Today, I\u2019m flying to Paris for forty-five days of solo wandering, writing, and whatever else might come up. I\u2019ve planned a few things…some writing projects I\u2019m eager to dive into, attempting “fiction”…maybe a few glasses of white wine in hidden corners of Montmartre, but mostly, I\u2019m leaving space… for curiosity… for spontaneity… for pleasure… and most importantly, for the woman I\u2019ve become to rediscover herself in a city that knows something about beauty through reinvention.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I have no idea what will happen in the City of Love, whether I\u2019m on the left or right bank, and that\u2019s the point. I may find myself along the quai near the Jardin des Plantes, drawn toward the evening dancing, perhaps even dare to join in. For the first time in a long while, I don\u2019t need a perfect plan. I only need to arrive as I am, show up, and trust my instincts. To let myself be changed by the moment instead of micromanaging it. This isn\u2019t just a reawakening; it\u2019s coming home.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
So, if you find yourself in your own rubble, wondering what happened to the life you built, I hope you realize this: you\u2019re not broken. You\u2019re becoming. The demolition is divine. And beyond all that, falling apart is the truest version of you…radiant, rooted, and free.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I didn\u2019t lose myself in midlife. I found her. And this time, I\u2019m taking her to Paris.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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