Looking out the window, I see the expansive ocean peeking out from a layer of cottony clouds. Instead of enjoying my usual Americano with extra hot water prior to boarding, I\u2019ve decided to wait and order a glass of wine once we\u2019re in-flight.<\/p>\n
Tim and I will celebrate our twenty-first wedding anniversary tomorrow.\u00a0 We are traveling together – just the two of us \u2013 to Croatia.\u00a0 Usually it\u2019s a family trip with a detailed itinerary.\u00a0 Both of us are extremely organized, but I admit my hubby has a special flair for finding amazing travel deals and creating exhaustive Excel spreadsheets filled with hotel timelines and comprehensive air schedules.<\/p>\n
Two weeks ago, we were officially diagnosed with empty nest syndrome.\u00a0 Our life\u2019s itinerary has shifted.\u00a0 My head is spinning and my heart is heavy.\u00a0 I want some time to relax, be quiet, and reflect on our newfound normal.\u00a0 I\u2019ve brought a book about daring greatly in this next season of my life.<\/p>\n
I sip the white wine I\u2019ve ordered. It\u2019s not good. It\u2019s not even the kind I sort of like, but who cares. Its airplane wine, I remind myself, and it\u2019s doing the job \u2013 mellowing my hyper, overly anxious, constantly analyzing mind.<\/p>\n
I look at Tim beside me, beginning to close his eyes.\u00a0 He is a hardworking man, linear and systematic.\u00a0 I press my hand on his arm, feeling the warm of his skin under a soft blue polo shirt. He gives me a smile, squeezes my hand, and returns to his slumber.\u00a0 This trip is not about revitalizing our relationship but rather spending uninterrupted time together without our now fully-grown children or a specific travel plan – a healthy and spontaneous second honeymoon.<\/p>\n
—<\/p>\n
Resting my head against my seatback and closing my eyes, I travel back twenty-one years.\u00a0 Relaxed as he was, the justice of the peace was a little bothered by our misbehavior during his serious speech about wedding rings and what they symbolize. Honestly, I wasn\u2019t trying to be ill-mannered\u2026 I just wanted a peek at my ring! The design of my wedding band was a surprise and I was overcome with childlike excitement.\u00a0 Who could blame me?<\/p>\n
\u201cI pronounce you man and wife. You may now kiss the bride.\u201d\u00a0 Tim held me and kissed me, energetically and tenderly, the same way he still does with such warmth and enthusiasm.\u00a0 Two decades later, our public displays of affection often irritate our two teenaged sons.\u00a0 \u201cGet a room,\u201d they quip.\u00a0 Yet they themselves mimic similar fondness with their own lady friends.<\/p>\n
We walked back down the aisle all smiles – full of glee and innocence.\u00a0\u00a0 Maybe a smidgen na\u00efve as to what we were getting ourselves into.\u00a0 Well, I was anyways.\u00a0 And so, our life began.<\/p>\n
Because, for me, my life truly did begin when I married Tim.<\/p>\n
—<\/p>\n
\u201cWhom can you trust?\u201d my therapist asked me years ago.<\/p>\n
\u201cNo one, really \u2013 except myself,\u201d I said.\u00a0 My father died when I was eleven, my mother remarried a dud only to eventually divorce him.\u00a0 Life was not dependable, nor were the people closest to me.\u00a0 My childhood was spent in survival mode.<\/p>\n
\u201cThen that\u2019s your answer,\u201d she whispered.<\/p>\n
Yes, I had my answer.\u00a0 I would have to trust my gut.\u00a0 I married a man not knowing for sure if I could trust him not to hurt me or leave me.\u00a0 But my instincts told me that Tim was honest and good. We shared so much in common.\u00a0 We both understood abandonment and how to mask the pain of feeling unloved and alone.<\/p>\n
\u201cHe lets me be my crazy self,\u201d I told my therapist.\u00a0 \u201cHe has a selfless heart and soulful eyes.\u00a0 I think it will work.\u00a0 Even if he is into horseracing and the stock market.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHe sounds cool,\u201d my therapist observed.<\/p>\n
Tim makes careful decisions whereas I prefer to fly by the seat of my pants. Despite our differences, our philosophy of life is the same: if you can\u2019t have fun there\u2019s no sense in doing it. \u00a0\u00a0Life for me had always seemed random and risky so what did I have to lose?\u00a0 And at twenty-three what did I know?<\/p>\n
I knew I adored Tim.\u00a0 Now at forty-five, I still adore him.\u00a0 I also admire him.\u00a0 Love requires two people who are willing to do the work and not give up.\u00a0 Tim is the warmest, most generous man I\u2019ve ever known.\u00a0 He is my best friend, my comrade, and the only person I would want to navigate the road of life with.\u00a0 I recognized our potential twenty-one years ago.\u00a0 It turns out my instincts were accurate.<\/p>\n
—<\/p>\n
Our years together have been a complete whirlwind\u2026 and much too full to try and summarize here.\u00a0 Neither of us ever wants to miss anything life has to offer.\u00a0 Our lives are fast, always running in fifth gear.\u00a0 How we manage to avoid burnout I will never know.\u00a0 All marriages can go awry, but we work together. \u00a0True communication and respect were concepts I\u2019d never understood, let alone experienced, before Tim. \u00a0We have weathered many storms and we are still solid.<\/p>\n
Tim loves me in a way that forces me to love myself more.\u00a0 I remember my first Christmas gift from him.\u00a0 Tucked inside a white shirt box that was wrapped with a satin turquoise bow I found a black sweatshirt with \u201cSAP\u201d embroidered in white block letters across the front. \u00a0He was reminding me of my \u201csappiness\u201d, one of the reasons he fell in love with me.\u00a0 It was his way of expressing his own extreme sentimentality – in his uniquely witty way.<\/p>\n
What a grand gesture.\u00a0 (Shhh, I seldom wear it!)\u00a0 I pull it out every now and then to remind myself how lucky I am to have this guy in my life.\u00a0 This guy sleeping next to me on the plane.\u00a0 The guy I chose to build a family with. The guy my therapist said sounded cool.\u00a0 The baldheaded guy my sister made snarky comments about.\u00a0 The guy who would never put himself before me, unless it was to save me from a bullet or an oncoming car.\u00a0 The guy with beautiful brown eyes, which light up when he sees me after two days or ten days away.\u00a0 The guy I choose to banter with, share secrets with, drink pinot noir with and be spontaneous with \u2013 every damn day of my life.<\/p>\n
—<\/p>\n
I\u2019m jostled into the present as we hit rough air and seatbelt signs light up the quiet cabin. I hold onto my glass, not wanting the contents to spill all over my jeans.\u00a0 Flying is kind of like marriage, isn\u2019t it?\u00a0 Turbulence comes and goes. All you can do is hold on tight, hoping for smoother air but never really knowing what the rest of the flight will be like.<\/p>\n
I look out at the horizon as we pass over a patch of the Pacific. As the pilot banks a turn, the horizon disappears and shades of green and blue saturate my eyes like the waterlily pond from Monet\u2019s painting.\u00a0 I am reminded of our honeymoon in Giverny, France. \u00a0I will never forget that magically misty day, standing together on the emerald green footbridge, inhaling fragrant wafts of wisteria.<\/p>\n
As the pilot announces our initial decent, I glance over at Tim.\u00a0 I can honestly say that I have fallen in love with every bit of my partner\u2019s soul.\u00a0 My perfectly imperfect partner of twenty-one years.\u00a0 If I was not willing to risk the unusual, I would have had to settle for the ordinary.\u00a0 I ended up with a marriage nothing less than extraordinary!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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