Today, while reading T.E. Lawrence’s mythic memoir, I came across a quote that made me stop mid-sentence: “Judge a man by the reputation of his enemies.” I read it twice, slowly this time, letting its weight settle into the parts of me where I’ve quietly wrestled with who I am, who I’m perceived to be, and who I refuse to stop becoming.

For so long, I judged myself based on applause, approval, belonging, or the quiet hum of being “easy” for others. Like many of us, I was taught to see criticism as failure and friction as proof that I had overstepped my bounds. But this quote reshaped something vital: sometimes resistance isn’t a sign you’re wrong—it’s a sign you’re finally in sync.

Good people often upset bad actors. Not out of hostility or aggression, but simply by refusing to conform to behaviors or patterns that thrive in secrecy. People of integrity threaten those who profit from dishonesty. The moment you stop engaging in stories that demand your silence, your apology, or your shrinking, you will provoke those who want to keep things exactly as they are.

It’s interesting to me that light exposes what prefers to stay hidden. And then there’s this other truth I’ve learned the hard way: courageous people attract critics who prefer comfort or conformity. Courage is disruptive. Courage says, “I see the world differently now,” and anyone committed to familiar scripts will inevitably feel unsettled by that. They may try to pull you back, not because you are wrong, but because your expansion reveals their stagnation. And of course, anyone who pushes growth or truth will inevitably collide with those invested in illusion.

I’ve noticed that evolution isn’t neutral; it reshapes the entire ecosystem around you. When I started living honestly, when I stopped accepting emotional hand-me-downs and finally identified the things I’d been avoiding for the sake of someone else, I disrupted the fragile balance built on their avoidance. So the question became, “Why don’t they like me?” Maybe it’s, “What does their resistance reveal about who I am becoming?”

Enemies, in this sense, aren’t villains in the traditional storybook way. Sometimes they’re just people who preferred the earlier, quieter, more obedient version of you. I can attest to experiencing this with both family and friends, and it’s perfectly fine that those old identities no longer fit. Just don’t let the internal voices that whisper for you to go back to your old ways for someone else’s sake.  I did this too many times, but not any longer.

This powerful quote, “Judge a man by the reputation of his enemies,” also reminds me that the path of integrity is rarely smooth. It’s carved by refusal…refusing to betray yourself, to dim your curiosity, or to participate in narratives you’ve outgrown. And perhaps that’s the point: integrity costs you something, but it should never cost you yourself.

Now, I will judge a person by the reputation of their enemies. But also, I will judge myself by what and who my evolution unsettles. I encourage you to do the same. If the truth you’re living stirs discomfort in others, perhaps it’s not a warning sign. My interpretation is its confirmation that you’re finally standing in your own light. Let’s stand together!